the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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