I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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