I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.