Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
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Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
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Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday