Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
barbara walters just said penis...
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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