If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize