Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
