Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
