if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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