she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
