Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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