Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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