I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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