I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
