So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
