Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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