Non-Jews are for practice
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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