Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
