We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
