Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
