So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Randomize
