you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
