Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
