Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How naked do you want me to be?
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