I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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