How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
