I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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