It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
