saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
