We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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