Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
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Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
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he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My feet surprised me
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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