Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
