The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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