If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
