i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize