ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
