Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
