I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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