I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize