She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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