dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
