The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Randomize
