every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
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Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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