Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Randomize
