You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
