I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
