I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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