So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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