Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
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He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
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He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize