Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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