I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
