i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
