are you so shy because you have an std?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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