he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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