my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
