she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
