508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm too high and old for this...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
