his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
