I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
