bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
