I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
