i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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