The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
