She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
