Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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