I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
