It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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